selfish

Imagine learning of life ,growing up with the stresses of the world ,,post911
loving your friends and holding them close ,,to make sense of your world,, to make you feel safe.
Going though the normal questions of adolescence ,, then experiencing a traumatic life altering event ,, and your friends,, turn their back because,, they say,, your to self absorbed ,,, ,,,i think those people are the ones self absorbed,, turning their back on a friend,, she never hurt them, caused drama,, or told lies,, shes just a kid growing up looking to find herself..
so the worst thing is she might talk about herself? i think shes terrific and im happy to listen,,,and with her life experiences.. i bet she could of used a friend to help her though,,,

Heros

i never like Heros,, i feel if you put someone on a pedestal they are sure teeter and fall...

Yet ive fallen into the trap...lol ,, these two people have helped me

..they inspired me,,,

i have always been an artist since the day my eyes could focus,,i saw the world in shapes and colors and patterns,,, i found myself drawn to anything creative,,, photography ,,, fim making i was totally absorbed,,

Eventually i was disillusioned by the business aspect ,,and changed my direction in life,,,

I was married and started a family, which for me was not as easy as it sounds,,, after loosing my twins,,,, and then my daughter Ashley .. it was an endless revolving door to the operating room,,after many years,,i was blessed with triplets,,, and i dedicated my life to them,,, and to their health,, of which they had many issues,,,,

so for almost 20 years my drawing,, painting sketching,, were put away..

my children now were getting more independent,,, and i came across ..Doc Ivan .. he was a digital artist,, and a devoted Howard Stern fan.. I loved his stuff,, so i tried to work on my computer to master Adobe Photoshop , since my computer skills arent great,,it was frustrating .. i became friendly with Doc,, he is sweet and willing to give me encouragement..

after a year i found ,, http://freakingnews.com/ :)

by then i was chopping for around a year,,, i was terrible,,lol..

After joining the site i became familiar with Azrainman,,,, he is amazing,, his work perfection,, the colors the positioning ,, everything,,, his mind!!!!! hes brilliant!

His friendship and encouragement helped me to excel .. These two people have no idea ,, how they have helped me.. being in my home almost 24/7 .. taking care of 3 disabled children,, was taking its tole..Please dont take me the wrong way,,i adore my children and id do anything for them,, but when a mother sees her children suffer ,,it beats down on her soul.. it chips away at a persons feelings,,you become numb a empty shell,, the creativity that runs through your body dies,,, your left with nothing more then a robotic mass of cells.. surviving but not truly living....

So i dedicate this post to two of my heros...

* btw i Love Howard Stern ,, ty for keeping me going for over 20 years

laughter is the most powerful thing in the universe!

my havanese family

im proud to announce the birth of Lily Sofia,,and Sirius WakaWakaFlame..they are doing great and were born on easter sunday :)I'm happy we made it through the birth event safely :)

happy birthday triplets!

16 years old today :)

amazing!

the world through Pree's eyes

i delve deep into my mind.. to block the images of the world spiraling out of control .

is it depression? or am i an empathic soul unable to turn my back ,,on the patterns of the earth. i pray for japan's ppl.. yet know its the ppl that ultimately destroyed the nation,,not the quake,,not the tsunami,,, but the leaders who,, think they can control... their planet.. you cant contain.. the fire of the earth in a metal steal box,, you can rebuild ..a home.. you can rebuild..a nation,, but you cant rebuild a planet that is ravished and poisoned ..gd bless us all,, but i don see ,, anyones eyes opening,,,

expecting

seems my dog ,, Lola is expecting,, its just the beginning ,,i believe shes a week so far.. the kids cant wait!,,i of course are worrying ,,,

perfect scenario would be to have 6 puppies ans to sell 5 for $800 each,,id buy a Mac and live happily ever after.. but i truly hope they all turn our healthy and Lola does well...

Max the white dog is the daddy ...

they are havanese pure bread dogs .

sometimes i feel like an animal hoarder :p

i cant

GETTING OLDER

GETTING OLDER.. hmmm the good the bad and the old,,

getting older today is being able to hide behind a computer screen and stay forever Young.

getting older today is always being current ,,in pop culture ,, and never having to leave your home...you can be as busy as you like..or leave this world and journey down the cyber highway...

to blog or not to blog

should i start another blog?,, they all get destroyed eventually,, second party sites,, they seem to remove things,, or allow their sites to disintegrate,, but here i go again,,

i had this blogger years ago,but made a bad choice i choses yahoo to blog instead,,lol they then revamped, and are practically null,,

seems i need a place i can voice myself,, i need a place to complain,,lol ,, in life im basically stuck,,,,i have no voice or say,,i am here in my lady gaga egg,,unable to hatch,, but for now this is where i live,, hidden away,,hopping i live long enough to one day live a free existence,,,my children need me,, and i love them, so no sacrifice is to great,,,